Preston Pollard - Alaska

© 2013 Brian Adams

Just posted a couple of my favorite pics of Preston Pollard from this year. More here!

One Roll of Film - Bethel

Driving Marker

 Dave Lauridsen

Photos © 2013 Brian Adams

Last week, I was in Bethel, AK assisting the very talented Dave Lauridsen. I haven't assisted another photographer in years, so it was a refreshing change of pace. Here are some of the images I made with the Hasselblad during down time. More soon!

Our Life in Fish Eye

Photos © 2013 Brian & Ash Adams

This Christmas, Ash gave me the Lomography Fisheye 35mm Camera as a stocking stuffer, and we've both been having fun with it around town--taking walks, skating, and just kicking it with our boy at home. We three have a good time.

Four Days in Bethel, Sneak Peak

Here's just a fun little video with some scenery I was able to film with my Go Pro from my recent four-day trip to Bethel. When the piece runs in March, I'll be able to post more!

Flying to Bethel - A True Story

Headed to Bethel, AK for the second time this week! I took some shots with the GoPro on the way out last time and Ash made this wonderfully goofy film with the footage today. Wish Ash and I luck! 

Anchorage Press - Urban Bamboo

Photo © 2013 Brian Adams

Once when I was a teenager, I was pulled over by a police officer around 3 a.m. When I asked why I was being stopped, he answered that “the only people out this late are bad guys and newspapermen, and you (gesturing to my friends and I) don’t look like newspapermen.” I thought about this experience as I drove to the Buckaroo Club last Thursday night around 1 a.m. specifically to grab food from Urban Bambo, the bright green food truck that parks behind the bar on Thursday and Friday nights from midnight to 3 a.m. I looked around the parking lot, and noted that none of us looked like newspapermen. Or bad guys.

Actually, the people in the lot looked hungry. The people in the truck looked busy.

Read Ash's article in this week's Anchorage Press on the midnight mobile food truck, Urban Bamboo!

Taking A Walk - Alaska Humanities Forum

Ash and I were overwhelmed with the turn out to the opening of our show Taking a Walk last week. Above are some images of the show, but if you're in the Anchorage area this month, you should head down to the Alaska Humanities Forum, located downtown at 161 East 1st Ave, Door 15, and see the show for yourself! Cheers, everyone!

What We're Reading - Dr. Sears Library

 
Photos © 2012 Brian Adams

I am always reading something, and especially since Elliott was born. (There are usually two breast-feeding sessions a day after which he prefers to snooze on my lap, which limits my activity to reading or looking at facebook on my phone. I generally opt for the former.) And so we've been intending to start a bi-weekly post on all of the wonderful words we happen to read each week, and share a bit of what we've learned.

To kick this series off, I wanted to post about three books that are interconnected, by the same authors, and very similar: The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two (Revised and Updated Edition), The Discipline Book: How to Have a Better-Behaved Child From Birth to Age Ten, and The Attachment Parenting Book : A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby, all of which are a part of the Sears' library collection and have been wonderful insights for new parents like Brian and I. I am choosing to write about all three of these instead of one at a time because they are really similar to one another and at the heart of each all say the same thing: love your baby, learn the way that your baby's brain is developing, make changes within yourself and your schedule because of your love and what you learn, and you'll be a good parent.

First of all, let me say this: there is more than one way to be a good parent. Every parenting situation is different; besides single parent situations, there are divorced parents, families where both parents work full-time, adoptive parents, and on and on. Every family has its own needs as does every parent and child. Knowing yourself, your child, and your family is the first step in being able to make the best decisions for your family. Brian and I parent the way that works best for us and Elliott is doing great, but we also have friends who parent their children completely differently than we do and their children, too, are thriving. I just want to be clear that I am not a fan of judgement when it comes to parenting styles. There is not one right way to raise a child; there are, without a doubt, seriously wrong ways, but not one right one. Parents need to stick together and create a healthy community for our children, not quibble over carrier choices, co-sleeping choices, or long or short breast-feeding stints.

Brian and I had no idea what kind of parents we'd be while we were pregnant. I was quite certain that I wouldn't breastfeed for longer than a month, that we'd get Elliott on a regimented schedule by three months, and that I would push my baby into independence as soon as possible for his own good. He was under no circumstances going to sleep in our bed. I had seen how damaging it can be when parents abuse their babies' natural dependence on them to satisfy something within themselves, and I was determined not to allow that to happen to me. Elliott was going to be his own person. And that was that.

What I didn't realize at the time that I made these assumptions was that there is a definite balance between these two extremes, and that babies are naturally dependent for their first year. I didn't know that humans are actually born prematurely in comparison to other mammals (because of the size of the human head at birth and the size of a woman's pelvis). I had no idea that the development of an infants' brain is quite dependent on the level of attachment that he or she develops during the first year. Sure, I knew breast-milk is better (I myself am allergic to dairy), but I wasn't prepared to give that much of my body to someone else after already being pregnant for almost 43 weeks.
But then I met Elliott. And everything changed.

After Elliott was born, I realized that I'm not the person I've thought I was all along, that I wasn't going to be the kind of mom I thought I'd be, at least not entirely. I wasn't as regimented. I didn't (and still do not) mind if Elliott makes a mess--he's usually learning something, like how cool it is to play with water, or how it feels to rip a piece of paper from a book or the lovely sound two pans make when they are banged excitedly together. I didn't mind breast-feeding; the first week was a painful one, but after I saw how much Elliott enjoyed it, and especially when compared to a bottle of pumped milk, there was no way that I would force him to wean early. And even though Brian and I have to work with each other to make sure we each have time to do our work, we both couldn't be happier that we are able to stay at home with our son. He is thriving, happy, and healthy.

Sometime during our first month with Elliott, I began to hear about "attachment parenting," and after reading just a little bit about it, I realized that that was the kind of parenting that Brian and I had naturally fallen into. And so, wanting to read more about healthy parenting, I picked up The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two (Revised and Updated Edition)and The Attachment Parenting Book : A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby.

The Baby Book is a great book for any new parent, whether she ascribes to attachment parenting or not. It covers all sorts of things that new parents have questions about, from weird baby skin conditions to proper latching techniques to development timelines for babies newborn to a year. For us, it introduced the concept of attached parenting, which is a style of parenting that is more attached on the front end, but statistically leads to independent, healthy babies.

Attachment Parenting is based on seven B's:

Birth Bonding. This first B refers to the hours and days after birth, during which mothers and babies are hormonally charged to attach and fall in love with each other. Obviously, medicalized births and c-sections can reduce the amount of attachment time immediately after birth, but, really, that whole first month is a period of attachment, and those inital hours lost can most definitely be made up again by spending lots of time with your little one.

Breast-feeding. Breast-feeding is without a doubt the most natural way to feed a newborn. Mothers are made to produce milk and babies are born ready to suckle. The reasons that breast-feeding is so good for babies goes deeper than just the nutritional quality of breastmilk, though. It has to do with the relationship that develops between the mother and her infant. A mother who breast-feeds is required to respond to her baby's cues on a physical level. The baby learns to trust the mother and the mother learns to trust her baby. A good breast-feeding pair works like this: a mother starts to lactate right before her infant asks for it. Elliott and I have been on this cycle for months.

Baby-Wearing. According to Dr. Sears and his wife, "carried babies fuss less and spend more time in a state of quiet alertness, the behavioral state in which babies hlearn most about their environment and are nicest to be around." They continue to list other benefits from baby-wearing like becoming more sensitive as a parent and more attune to your baby's needs and also having a baby that learns to trust you more. I can't speak of what happens if you don't wear your baby, but I can say this: for the first 8 months of life, it sure as hell is easier! Wearing a baby is close, cozy, and all of that, but I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to carry her baby, even if she's not into attachment parenting. When I could just wear Elliott everywhere, I had way more freedom of motion (and speed) than when I transferred him into the stroller. He doesn't mind the stroller or the backpack that I hike with him in, but let me tell you: it's not as easy as all of those months of carrying. (Some mama's I know carry their babies through their toddler years, but no matter what carrier I've tried, my back suffers when I carry Elliott, now at 20 pounds, with how much walking I do.)

Bed Sharing. If you're a mama, hearing about bed sharing or co-sleeping brings to mind a giant, glaring SIDS. SIDS, SIDS, SIDS. And also, of course, horror stories of fat parents rolling onto their babies and killing them. At least it did for us. Elliott slept in a basinette next to our bed until he was 3 months old, at which time he started sleeping with us. It was just easier. We waited until 3 months old, because by that point, Elliott was a confident roller-overer and we had done a lot more reading on SIDS. (Babies dying in co-sleeping situations almost always have compounding factors involved, like smoking, alcoholism, and obesity, all of which we don't have to worry about.) Dr. Sears recommends co-sleeping because it is a great way for babies and busy parents can reconnect, it helps infants realize that sleep is a cozy, peaceful time instead of one of fear and confusion, and it makes nighttime breast-feeding easier. This said, Brian and I know several parents that tried co-sleeping but say that everyone slept better (parents and baby), once they moved their baby into his or her own space. For us, the opposite was true. Elliott, Brian, and I all sleep better as co-sleepers. During growth-spurts, when Elliott wants to nurse 3 times during the night, he can without really waking either he or I up. It's nice. We know some parents that allow their babes to co-sleep as late as 4 or 5 years old and that works for them. For us, we plan on transitioning Elliott into his own bed slowly over the next year as we slowly wean him as well.

Belief in Baby's Cries. This one was a given for us, especially after all of the reading I had done on infant brain development before having Elliott. A baby's brain is not developed enough to manipulate others until he or she is between 10 months to a year old. What this means is that an infant is not going to cry to manipulate you. A baby cries to communicate a need. Believing in these cries and responding to them eventually lessens the need for crying because baby will trust you enough to respond to his subtler cues. If a mother pays attention and gives respect to her babies' cries, she will learn his more subtle cues and respond to those. In the end, baby cries less, and everyone is happier. This has been our experience, without a doubt. Elliott has only truly cried--with tears--less than five times in his 9 1/2 months of life. If he's upset, he fusses from time to time like most babies, but quick responses lessen his need to stay in a state of anxiety. Cry it out parents will argue about this, but I'm not arguing back; what works for one family will not always work with another. All I know is this: my baby is a happy one!

Balance and Boundaries. This B is a big one. It's about balancing yes and no, balancing your relationship with baby and other important people, like your spouse or partner, balancing your need for you time and time for we time. Elliott needs his independent playtime everyday just like Brian and I need ours. Brian and I have had to find "creative" ways to have our adult alonetime, especially because we co-sleep. We have had to spend less time with other friends and family in order to keep our relationship with each other and Elliott strong. There are a zillion compromises we each have to make everyday with each other, the rest of the world, and with Elliott to keep our home a harmonious one. But, because we love each other, it doesn't feel like work. It's just adjusting and managing egos, work load, and emotions. It is fulfilling and so worth it.

Beware of Baby Trainers. This is another given. Well-meaning advisers in your life (and ours) will try to tell you how to parent. People offer unsolicited suggestions about everything from "crying is good for him" to "you're going to spoil him if you let him sleep in the bed" to "he'll never stop sucking his thumb if you let him do it now" (guess what? he sucked his thumb until he was 2 months old, and stopped). Well-meaning advisers tried to tell me how to be pregnant, and many of the same have tried to tell us how to parent. It's fine, and I appreciate the concern and the insight into what works for other parents, babies, and families. But Brian and I have to constantly remind ourselves that our research and our hearts drive our decisions. They are our decisions about what is best for our family, and no one knows better about what is best for our family than we do. Period.

The Discipline Book: How to Have a Better-Behaved Child From Birth to Age Tentakes these principles of attached parenting and communicates what discipline in this sort of family looks like. We are not, with a 9 1/2 month old baby, in a very disciplinary stage yet, beyond teaching Elliott that some things in the house are off limits, that biting mama is not okay even if he's playing, that when I say "no," it means "stop what you are doing." We are not in the phases of tantrums and meltdowns yet. That said, I so appreciated everything I read in this book. Our family is and never will be one where hitting--whatever you want to call it--happens. Ever. To us, it is messed up and barbaric. A child should never have to worry about his bodily integrity in his own home. We have very strong opinions about this. I don't believe in corporal punishment because I don't believe that it is wise to teach someone not to do something by doing something that they are being told they cannot do. I do not believe that a parent should "yank" something from a child (unless it is something that is going to cause him harm), because this teaches him to do that to other children. There are better ways to communicate to your child, and I've seen parents that do this are happy with happy children. It takes a little more time on the front end of things and a lot of talking to your child, but in the end, according to Dr. Sears and those parents we are fortunate to know, your child will be a more sensititve well-behaved child. Disciplining in attached parenting homes, according to Dr. Sears, is more about promoting positive behavior and creating an environment in which to create positive behaviors, than it is about punishing negative behaviors.

This is, of course, all just a very skeletal review of Dr. Sears' works. So to read more, just pick up a book and do a little reading. Whether you're a fan of attached parenting or not, I'm sure it will at the very least inspire you to think about your child and parenting techniques in a new way. We do not follow all of the Sears' advice; we take what works for us and leave what doesn't. But all in all, his books are well-written, well-informed, and refreshing. If you are not a work-at-home pair like we, you no doubt will have a more difficult time with some of his writing. If you are a single parent, you, too, will have a more difficult time with it (as a person with a degree in women's studies, I cringe at some of the ovelry heteronormative speak that takes place in the book, even though I am married to Brian and we have an incredibly heteronormative set-up). But applying the main conversation of the book, which encourages connection and communication between parent and infant, in whatever way you can in your life, is rewarding and, well, awesome.